May ‘24 Wrap Up
CGI Apes! Denzel Washington! A War rig!
Happy June! As always these ratings and versions of these reviews can be found on my Letterboxd! The reviews are shorter there, but you’ll see the running tally of what I’ve been watching.
There are also a few movies here that haven’t even been out for two weeks so I’ve made sure to call out [SPOILERS] if I’m going to state something egregious. Don’t get used to this though. I will not be super consistent and there are probably still some things written that might spoil, just tried to cover my bases with the largest spoilers since one or two of these were anticipated releases. I hope that makes sense…
TLDR; I’m glad you’re here. Here’s what I watched, skip a section if you REALLY care about potential spoilers.
The Idea of You (2024)
I really liked this movie? Surprisingly so. I really wasn’t expecting to like it at all. But it felt like a real movie? Which I wasn’t expecting since it was put out by a streamer (Amazon). I literally DO NOT understand why this was released straight to streaming and Anyone But You got a theatrical release.
1. This is a better movie.
2. We can NEVER underestimate Anne Hathaway.
I cannot overstate how much she makes this movie. Look, is the conflict basically nonexistent? Yes. Is it stupid that Soléne would be self-conscious about her ROCKIN’ 40 year old bod around a bunch of 20-year-olds? Yes. Did I still enjoy myself watching this alone on a Sunday afternoon? 100%
4⭐ Watched 5/5
The Equalizer (2014)
This is a Dad Core movie. Hear me out, Creed is also dad core. When “Higher” comes on do you belt the lyrics and try to hit Scott Stapp’s high notes? Of course. Is Creed a fully balanced breakfast? Absolutely not. But that’s not reason to not enjoy it. Anyway, I’m mixing metaphors and this is all to say, don’t think too deeply about The Equalizer and instead watch Denzel be really good at his off-brand Home Depot job, use a stop watch in the best way possible, and then slow kill a guy with a drill in the final showdown in the, you guessed it, the knockoff Home Depot. I’m a sucker for a lot of things, but I’m especially a sucker for a slo-mo rain shot, and this movie delivers.
The “16 seconds” scene is everything you’d want from this type of movie.
Also Robert using Craigslist to find people to help equalize their life…is dad core.
3⭐ Watched 5/6
The Fall Guy (2024)
This movie was fun, but it’s a sign of the meta exhaustion that my two distinct thoughts during it were;
1. “We are reeeeeeeeelly coming up to the razor’s edge of being meta and I would really love to watch a movie that isn’t about making a movie and constantly reminding you that, “Hey, isn’t this funny? You’re watching a movie and this movie is about making a movie, and so you’re watching a movie and there’s a movie!!!” Please. We need to move on.
2. “Should I rewatch John Wick 4?”
It’s telling that Stahelski and Leitch split after John Wick and Stahelski took the franchise over, turning into an intricate world with its own rules and customs, with the perfect balance of comedy without ever losing its self-seriousness. You believe the world of John Wick because, first and foremost, the film does. There’s winking that occurs in Wick are references to the original industry stuntmen, most notably, Buster Keaton. The chuckles come from that, and from the sheer amazement of Wick continuing to get up after he falls down 260 steps of the Sacre Couer and has to start all over again.
Anyway, I digress. This is all to say that The Fall Guy was fine, but good lord Ryan Gosling’s back is breaking from carrying the movie.1
I did love the OVERT reference to the Dune score in the final act with Metal Storm.
3⭐ Watched 5/7
Still interested?: Here’s a cringe-ish video of Leitch describing his process on Stunt Men React and here’s the pallet cleanser of Stahelski describing how they created each iconic scene in John Wick Chapter 4.
The Thomas Crown Affair (1999)
This movie felt adult in a way that movies rarely do now. Rene Russo is top off TITIES OUT for a significant part of this movie. Their relationship feels adult? They are on an island, they are having sex, Pierce Brosnan is a bored debonair billionaire art thief! Thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Also, I looked up the director, John McTiernan. Dude directed Predator and Die Hard. He legit went from Die Hard with a Vengeance, took a slight break, and then busted out The Thomas Crown Affair. His Range.
3.5⭐ Watched 5/10 - UNDER 2HRS
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)
Watched this PMS-ing and found myself crying through so much of the movie? Baby Caesar had me BALLING. Really fun too that around halfway through, this becomes a “Dudes Rock” prison break movie.
Also the final set piece on the Golden Gate bridge is phenomenal. It does a great job of showing you, “Hey wait I care about these apes!” Yes, I am talking about Buck and the helicopter. Sobbing.
4⭐ Watched 5/11 - UNDER 2HRS
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014)
Nate and I let the credits tick down on Rise and then just found ourselves double-featuring with Dawn. I think the reason these movies are sleeper agent hits are because the apes that we follow all have personalities and back stories that connect them to Caesar. It feels weird to say, because they are CGI apes, but that makes a huge difference. The personalities and the choices these characters make follow them through each film. It lends itself to feeling like you are watching something with substance that was made for a reason, not because they “could.”
Also three things;
Koba playing dumb monkey and then grabbing the Colt M4A1 is truly inspired.
Horses are just fucking cool??? Anytime a horse is in a scene in a movie it’s better for it? APES ON HORSES? Honestly, scratches an itch I didn’t know I had.
Caesar going home and watching an old tape of himself as a child as a single tear rolls down his face—BALLING, I was out and out BALLING.
Plus the internet had some fun with Koba before Kingdom released.
4⭐ Watched 5/11
The Equalizer 2 (2018)
Back into dad core, I decided to continue with my Equalizer stint, and I have to say; this one is better than the first. The stakes are higher after the only friend Robert McCall seems to have in his middle-age is brutally murdered by a rogue mercenary group. There was a fight scene in a car that I legit feel like I haven’t seen before and it ends with a glorious 360 degree donut of the car before Robert uses the centripetal force of the car donuting to whip the assailant into his line of fire. My jaw was on the floor.
I will also say, there is a very bizarre “did you have asparagus with soy sauce vinaigrette” piss joke that Denzel makes in this movie that doesn’t translate to “haha we’ve been friends for 25 years” and instead was pretty disgusting but made legit laugh at loud at the insanity of it making it into the script and then Denzel performing it like that was a completely normal thing to say to your ex-boss.
3.5⭐ Watched 5/12
The Equalizer 3 (2023)
I’m powering through at this point. Now, there are movies that are “one for you” and then, flip-side, a director or actor might be like, “And now one for me/us.” That is exactly what Equalizer 3 was. Really felt like Antoine Fuqua and Denzel wanted to do at least one more movie together and this was basically set up and waiting for them. Set in the bleakest looking Italy I’ve ever seen portrayed on screen2, Equalizer 3, is Robert McCall equalizing every member of this Italian gang that’s terrorizing the small Italian town he’s decided to spend the rest of his days in. It just doesn’t move the same as the previous two films and I found myself constantly asking how these 27 year old gangsters are able to be so horrible to this town. Other than gratuitous use of violence, the hold these men had over the town was really never explained.
However, the score was an upgrade (IMO) and it was sorta fun to see Denzel Washington’s, Robert McCall monologue about Italy is the first place he’s felt a semblance of happiness in for the first time in decades and he will obliterate whoever he needs to to maintain that.
I will give this movie its opening sequence where you walk through a villa and see an absolutely obscene level of carnage. Then later we get a Robert McCall POV shot of how all that carnage came to be. That was…inspired.
Also thinking about it, it was refreshing to actually see an older Denzel just be an older Denzel. Robert is trying to settle down in Italy. He wants his tea, chitchat, wear his lil fedora, and eat fresh fish. We never get the “I’m getting too old for this shit,” comment, he’s just older. He’s also not Stallone–ing it where it’s like…dude you shouldn’t be acting like you’re 25 in this action movie.
2.5⭐ Watched 5/14 - UNDER 2HRS
Challengers (2024)
Absolutely had to catch this in theaters again. Still fucking R I P S. Just stylistically on point, pussy popped with the score, and full of “if you know you know” tennis/luxury Easter eggs. It just feels like a fully complete movie where every one is just in it to win it.
Josh O’Connor’s Patrick Zveig is truly inspired and this might be the best fanvid to ever exist
5⭐ 5/15
Upgrade (2018)
Nate was out of town so I just came home from my 5pm showing of Challengers and watched another movie. Been hearing people mention this on Reddit in the /movies forum sometimes and at a tight 1hr 40m it really didn’t hurt to check out. As a Blumhouse production, it was a fun sci-fi watch. Basically, in a near/alternative future classic car mechanic Grey Trace is paralyzed in the car accident that mercenaries staged to kill his wife. He gets an experimental AI computer chip put in at the base of his neck that allows him to regain his mobility which he then uses to avenge his wife’s death and track down her killers.
This movie was made for like $3M, got a standing-O at SXSW that year, and looks great. I found it to be easily engaging with some fun camera movements. The ending was also worth the 1hr 40m investment. If you’re looking for something in-and-out on a Wednesday or Thursday night, I highly recommend.
3.5⭐ 5/15
War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)
Yup been going APE in May for Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes prep. Tbh, didn’t find this movie as good as the previous two. I found that it suffered a little from some slight pacing issues and there was a moment were I was like “okay, watching Apes travel, something happens, they travel, something happens, okay DESTINATION” in a way that didn’t quite feel as snappy or like the story was actually progressing. I don’t want to use the word “lag” because it’s not quite right but there was a lack of propulsion that I found hard to regain once the movie was supposed to be taking off.
I will say, it still does a phenomenal job of building out the world 10 years into a future where humans are still struggling to survive and showing the fascistic tendencies that arise when a bunch of men and guns get together. The Woody Harrelson militia felt really well-placed in War3. Especially, given the battle that they are feverishly gearing up for isn’t against the apes, but another human militia, really drives the point home that the there’s nothing really wrong with the apes being more intelligent, they are just new pawns, talking points, and sources of labor, in man’s constant struggle for power.
The politics between the apes were a nice touch too and played into the feeling of a different, but fleshed out world. It didn’t feel forced either. I legit thought the “Donkey” Apes were a clever addition into the world building–especially when you are keyed up waiting for the moment that the massive Silverback gorilla tires of being “Donkey.”
Also my dad dresses like Bad Ape.
3.5⭐ 5/19
Cruel Intentions (1999)
Watched this for a movie night that I host. I thought it would be a little better…I will also say, the group I was with wasn’t very forgiving to this movie and it was a perfect example of how sometimes movies are received worse…because of the people in the room. All to say I will be revisiting it in the future, Sarah Michelle Gellar saying, “And I don’t fuck losers” is iconic, and we need to get freaky again in our “geared towards ages 18-27+” movies.
3⭐ 5/20 - UNDER 2HRS
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024)
6+ hours of Ape content leading to this moment and…meh. I wanted to like this movie, but I did have some trepidation going into it because I was like, “Huh. This is going to be interesting, it’s set 300 years in the future, there’s not really any human/ape interaction, and the whole world is CGI.” And yeah. That’s basically what it was. I just missed Caesar the whole time and the locations felt discernibly CGI rather than like the real-world locations they were in previous Apes films.4 I didn’t find these apes nearly as dynamic or compelling as the ones in the previous movies.
I also found myself consistently annoyed that they couldn’t speak very well?? Like by War Caesar is speaking in full sentences and the others around him are speaking slightly broken English or in sign language5. The apes 300 years later show literally no progression?
Truly bummed that one of the main conflicts in the movies was that the ape wanted tanks and human destructive technology to maintain “Ape” superiority. Not to get too Donna J. Haraway with it, but I really didn’t find it interesting that this iteration of “bad ape” was looking at the world from a fascist standpoint and could literally have a human stand-in. With the previous three films you were always sided with the apes because they viewed the world differently because they were APES, and they essentially wanted to survive on their own, but their mode of survival was fundamentally different than the Western notion of expansionism.
Three hundred years in the future and our apes are just templates of power-hungry humans? We could have done something more interesting, had a better conflict that could have had a metaphor for fascism that wasn’t literally “we need to eradicate the humans and ensure we have power.” Like dude…most of the humans are literally drinking out of the river with the zebras descended from the Bronx Zoo.
[SPOILERS BELOW]
A character dies in this movie that I thought for sure was going to come back later in the film and then just didn’t? Really didn’t understand why they did that because he was like able to talk and read and was literally the most engaging character of the movie. He also could have acted as a bridge narratively for the audience and pffft he’s gone! Never to return! In a moment that also felt decidedly low-stakes?
I also found the movie ending with humans…an odd choice. By this movie, it’s really feeling like, “Ya’ll…it’s over. Your time is done. Let it go and just figure out a way to coexist.” As Nate said, this is the first installment in the recent iterations where you can start to feel the squeeze for the juice.
Lastly, need to know where Nova is getting her top-tier full-support padded bra 300 years in the future when humans are fully no longer the dominant species because…I just think it’s probably not happening.
2.5⭐ 5/21
The Magnificent Seven (2016)
Back with another Denzel one baby! And I also realized once the opening credits hit that this one is ALSO directed by Antoine Fuqua. Fun! But not a great movie sorry! Chris Pratt is doing his post-dad bod schtick that somehow all convinced us he was a good actor, but we’ve all realized 10 years later just means that he’s annoying and not fleshed out in any way6.
Denzel, obviously, is what shines in this movie. I get the impression that Denzel wanted to work with Fuqua again and…that he wanted his paycheck. That being said, I have never seen Denzel come in and not be the best person in the scene. Sorry. No matter what, he cruises through and raises the bar of all of those around him because he doesn’t miss. The movie might miss but Denzel doesn’t miss.
He had some fun little things that Chisolm did that made it evident that Denzel thought about his character and how he was going to play him. My favorite of these moments being after he holds the deer heart, he picks up some dirt and rubs it on his hands, then wipes his hands while walking back to the group of terrified men. Just wiping blood off his hands so casually. Loved it.
Also, I derived a lot of enjoyment from being nearly 100% certain that Denzel fully Did. Not. Fuck. with Pratt on set, but FULLY fucked with Ethan Hawke. Every scene he shares with Hawke is so obvious he’s having the time of his life.
Also standout name I hadn’t seen before = Lee Byung-hun. Enjoyed every moment he was onscreen.
2.5⭐ 5/23
Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024)
This is my most conflicted of the month and to be honest, the 4⭐ rating is sort of a pity rating, not because I really felt like it was a 4 star movie for me. I really really REALLY wanted to love this movie, but something just didn’t click for me and I still haven’t really figured out why and I feel stupid/clueless saying that. Like who likes what I like about movies and then isn’t feral for the newest Mad Max installment? It’s bewildering but it’s the truth.
Aside from some pacing issues, it just didn’t land with me and I left the theater feeling thrown by my own (lack) of a reaction. Even more so was the decision to end the movie [SPOILER ALERT]
with a veritable sizzle reel of Fury Road, which just made me feel a sense of lack for the movie that I realized was the one I wanted to be watching.
4⭐ 5/25
The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (2009)
I was just in a Denzel kinda mood this month I guess, plus I wanted to see him collaborating with Tony Scott, a la Crimson Tide. And look, if you haven’t seen a Denzel and Tony film, start with Crimson Tide and watch Denzel go toe-to-toe with Gene Hackman on a submarine miles below the surface of the ocean.
Denzel Washington plays a New York MTA dispatcher named Walter Garber who’s working the station the day that Ryder (John Travolta) decides to take a subway hostage. Travolta is really going for it in this movie, and I don’t have much experience with Travolta so I’m not sure where it lands on his overacting meter, but it was a lot. That’s not to say that his take on Ryder was ineffective. I actually think he sooooooort of pulled it off, but I’m not dying on that hill if someone comes for me with a differing opinion, you know what I mean?
The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 was fine and sub 2 hours so that’s a point in its favor. Plus, you get to see Tony Scott’s kineticism play out in freeze frames and blurred moving images on subway platforms, but even that can’t fully distract from the fact that the majority of the action takes place over the phone between Walter and Ryder and that within 30 minutes Ryder has disconnected the subway car of hostages from the rest of the train, so they are just sitting in a subway tunnel, while he gets his $10M payout for the hostages. Scott’s ability to capture grandiose and fast moving action is at odds with the choice to make his train stationary and his protagonist in an MTA office.
3⭐ 5/25 - UNDER 2HRS
Monthly Roundup:
# of Movies: 16
Average rating: 3.37⭐
% watched in theater: 25%
% of rewatches: 12.5%
% of sub-2hr movies: 37.5%
% of Denzel Washington in my viewings: 31.25%
The Move You Need to See In Theaters This Month: Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga.
The Best “I Want to Watch a Movie at Home on a Weeknight and Have it be In and Out But Violent and Sci-Fi” Movie of the Month: Upgrade
Best Soundtrack: The Thomas Crown Affair
Best Score (But not Challengers since that was last month): War for the Planet of the Apes.
Which is not to say that Gosling isn’t good. He’s far and away THE BEST part of the movie and his comedic timing leaves nothing to be desired.
Seriously it was DARK. Like the color grading was grey. Which sure it's gritty...but ya'll are on the Mediterranean coast...lighten it up a little bit.
Yes. Woody Harrelson is in War of the Planet of the Apes.
There’s a cool VFX artists react to the previous Apes movies that show how they did the special effects. The majority of those movies were shot on a set on location in Washington/wherever else and the CGI was added in afterwards. Some of the things they did were ingenious, and it makes sense why those previous three movies feel SO different from Kingdom. Watch the YT video here.
I found the cadence that most of these actors chose to speak in incredibly grating as well.
Surprisingly, I will exempt Star Lord from Guardians of the Galaxy from this. Only the first movie though, he get’s a halfway exemption from the second movie, and by the third I’m fully off him.
Chris Pratt also gets an exemption from Zero Dark Thirty but that’s before he’s really fallen into his wide-eyed dumb one liners schtick he’s doing now.